In paramarthashram, both husband and wife turn toward each other and become one, and as one they turn toward God. It is the ideal partnership. Of course God comes first even in this triangular relationship. Each spouse has to give preference to God over the other spouse. There is joy in all this knowing God designed it this way. Our God is a God of marvelous completion and building rather than a God of incomplete design and tearing down. In creation God wanted man and woman to gloriously complete each other. According to Judeo-Christian reckoning, God made humankind in his image and likeness, male and female ….. God saw everything he had made, and indeed, it was very good (Genesis 1: 26-27; 1: 31). God brought man and woman together. He intended that “a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh (Genesis, 2: 23-24). Jesus said: “…The one who made them at the beginning made them male and female, for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate” (Matthew 19: 4-6).

             In no uncertain terms the Bible states that God wanted man and woman to start and end life together. Somehow the Hindu and Christian tradition evolved erroneously giving woman an inferior and subordinate role, denigrating sexual intimacy between a husband and a wife, giving primary place to celibacy, and glorifying celibacy in one’s striving for holiness and perfection. This tradition and the persons behind it screwed human psyche up royally, and burdened humans with unnecessary guilt. It is high time that the most beautiful human relationship – the one obtaining between a man and a woman in marriage - should be rescued and put in its God-given perspective as we strive for perfection and maturity in holiness. In the Hindu tradition especially a woman does not have a fair chance as a young girl is ruled by her father, as an adult by her husband, and as a mother and an older woman still by her husband or her son. In this Ashram a husband and a wife in equality have an excellent opportunity and time to explore each other in a fresh commitment, to make up for the lost opportunities in the hustle and bustle of married life, rearing up and settling their children, dispensing of due obligations to their parents and siblings and to greater society. This ashram is also ideal for married couples who can be introduced to Brahma Tantra Yoga where their complementary sexual energy channeled into a blissful and unitive relationship with God in utter surrender and selfless abandonment.
            
Brahmacharis

             All ashrams are meant for married couples as well as celibate persons who have freely and consciously committed themselves to that way of life, and as long as they choose to stay in that way of life. Marriage is seen as a lasting commitment as it involves one’s spouse and progeny. Celibacy on the other hand becomes a lasting or permanent commitment through ongoing conscious choice and commitment. No institution in this world has the power to make laws related to fundamental human rights such as marriage or celibacy. To get married and to stay celibate are fundamental human rights that like any other fundamental human right need to be exercised in full freedom and discernment without any kind of family or societal coercive influence. It might be noted that voluntary celibacy freely chosen for all for a period is highly recommended as it will help better appreciate one’s marriage, and deepen one’s commitment. The period of sathyashram certainly is a time of celibacy. Intentional and conscious celibacy for a period during the transition period as a preparation for marriage and sevashram can also be immensely helpful. The three years between 22 and 25 can be a very appropriate time. The traditional brahmacharyashram (literally, the stage of moving in God later came to be understood as the stage of a celibate student preparing for other ashrams) life envisaged celibacy. Interestingly people who continued celibacy or those who became sanyasis or sanyasins or joined religious congregations and took the vow of chastity came to be known as brahmacharis, i. e., those who move in the Lord. The question then is: “What about those who marry?” Are they moving in the Lord any less? Absolutely not. That is why the term brahmachari should not be appropriated by celibates. Besides, marriage also needs to be marked by chastity. Because a person is married he or she cannot do anything he or she wishes; marriage is not a license for uncontrolled sex or lust or imposition of one spouse’s desires on the other through coercion or manipulation.

            Any relationship with another human being including the most sacred relationship that can be had in marriage needs to be guided and marked by God’s plan and will. Celibacy in itself is not an end. It is good if one is called to it, and if it helps oneself to work better for God’s kingdom. One needs to be able to stop being a celibate through discernment of God’s will without institutional penalties and social stigmas. Traditionally sanyasa (the life of renunciation) was meant for celibates only. Sanyasa for committed couples proposed here is much more difficult as it involves a man and a woman as a husband and a wife committed in marriage. The strongly held opinion that celibacy is a prerequisite for sanyasa is dated and biased. According to Judeo-Christian scriptures marriage is very important as, for instance, in the creation story of Genesis God wanted male and female to complement each other in mateship, union and communion. In the New Testament section of the Bible, Paul of Tarsus, one of the most prominent disciples of the Lord, loudly complains of the poor treatment the celibates (Paul himself and Barnabas) were receiving in comparison to most of the apostles and Disciples of Christ including Peter, the first Pope, who were married. All the apostles and disciples except Paul and Barnabas were accompanied in the ministries by their wives (1st Corinthians, chapter 9). This situation was reversed when celibacy was mandated for priests. Gradually celibacy and virginity acquired a preferred and superior status fetching higher respect in modern times till the shift in the second Vatican Council, the supreme body of the Catholic Church, held from 1962 to 1965.